Apple Jumps the Shark
Call me old-fashioned, but I expect my revolutionary product launches to have some actual revolution in them.
The Apple Newton, Apple's last one hit blunder.
I mean, that was some epic, epic hype. Apple’s new iPad should have been able to do my dishes and teach the world to sing the way they were going on about it. OK, OK, the way I was going on about it. Needless to say, the ongoing backlash is inevitable. Unfortunately, it’s well-deserved.
Let’s start with the superlatives. It’s by far the largest, most impractical iPhone created to date, and I can’t call anyone with it. It’s the most expensive eReader I can possibly purchase. Except I don’t get a free Internet connection, like I do with the Kindle. And after signing up for a third data plan for the iPad, I’d be breaking some personal financial records as well.
It’s not a netbook killer. The reason? It’s not a netbook. It’s an open-faced sandwich with a glass keyboard that will be sure to make long-form typing an exquisite form of self-punishment. Typing on glass is obviously not a new idea, and I can tolerate short bouts of it on my iPhone. But there’s a reason why laptops have keys. There’s a reason why Apple themselves pioneered the exact opposite design, the individually-spaced key keyboard design we see everywhere now on PC and Mac keyboards, laptops, and netbooks: improving the typing experience. Experts are cursing the iPad as a giant leap backwards in ergonomics.
After lulling me to sleep for a half hour, they finally got to the good part: apps. The gaming demo was indeed fun to watch. But OK, great, I can kill aliens with it. I would sooner buy a jewel-encrusted GameBoy before than be caught dead playing that thing on the commuter rail. Can you imagine sitting next to people playing that thing? Picture that stock broker you share your seat with driving his iPhone like a steering wheel playing Super Mario Kart and then magnify the embarrassment by a factor of 10. People will hate you for it. And then kill you to play with it themselves.
The New York Times had slaved away in secret for months to provide us with a shining example of the future of the digital publication for the iPad. And there it was. Hmm. Now where have I seen this app before? Oh I know, 15 minutes before the iPad presentation, when I was using the New York Times reader (a free Adobe AIR app) on my desktop. Almost identical. I hope those Times developers got a good trip or two to sunny Cupertino out of the development process, because they completely wasted our time showing us cold leftovers.
It should have had a camera, the way all of the Mac laptops do. It should have had a nice BlueTooth-enabled phone system. And it really should have been able to run a normal operating system. It should have had lots of things, but Apple seems to have fallen in love with product launches, and has forgotten that they actually need an innovative product to launch. The iPad is like one of those Miami Vice-era cell phones you owned, a clunky tentative first wave of tech with too large a form and not enough functionality. And like that MacGyver haircut you were sporting, photos of you proudly brandishing this thing will not age well.
But maybe it has to be bad. The first of anything is never good. The first iPod, and even the first iPhone, before the App Store really got rolling, are both prehistoric curiosities at this point. I’m sure I’ll eat my words once I actually cradle one in my arms. Fatherhood changes you.
(Originally written for the ISM blog.)
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As they say… Wait for it…
Nicely put. I’m not impressed either with the current incarnation. A video camera would make it the first real “video phone” which would be super cool. It has the potential to be the coolest home remote ever as well. E-reading would be cooler. There is a already a kindle “app for that” which will only improve with more screen real estate. And of course if you’d like to pay more for your books you can shop Apple.
I think these reasons are ultimately why it will succeed – the iPad has the capacity to consolidate a bunch of things we might like to have (eBook reader), things we never knew we needed (huge remote), or things we have been waiting years for (video phone). Of course there are the games and things. It’ll be great for photographers if someone writes a decent image review app that fits into existing workflows. And the list goes on.
The thing that rubs me the wrong way is the adoption of the micro SIM form factor. This is a total “f-u” to existing customers who have an iPhone and might feel inclined to swap Sim cards to extract a little more utility from their already absurd telco fees.
I could easily see it as a control center for your house. Historically, Apple seems to use their quasi-open source development playground as a way to crowdsource features for the next piece of hardware they create. It’ll be cool to see what developers come up with. Giant light saber apps!
That’s interesting about the new SIM card. I wonder if the next iPhone will head to that card as well.
[...] might have been obvious from my earlier posts, but I won’t be jumping on the iPad bandwagon just [...]